Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
