see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
