Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
