I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
