He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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