dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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