Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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