last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
