I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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