Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she looked like the before picture.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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