At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
