He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
