they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
