Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
