I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
