She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
