apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
