names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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