Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
