you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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