i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
