low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
