Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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