Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
