You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
