david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
