I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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