the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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