You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
