margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love you. Go after that dick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
