LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
