after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize