i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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