3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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