Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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