No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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