It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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