You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
