I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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