This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
