if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
