I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
