You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
