What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
