she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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