My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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