i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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