i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
