Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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