i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
