I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
