Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches

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(813): View more from Florida

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..

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(602): View more from Arizona

You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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(614): View more from Ohio

Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Our relationship needs a sober moment

(1-719): View more from Colorado

I'll call you when that happens

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(646): View more from New York

I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?

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(512): View more from Texas

the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe

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