Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
