I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
