yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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