so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
