So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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