I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
