ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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