Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
