You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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