The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
