boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize