I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
