it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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