So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
