she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
