so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
