Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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