His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
