left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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