I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I look better un-naked...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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