HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
