dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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