just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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