C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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