This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
4 words: hood of his car
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
