at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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