This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Randomize
