I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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