I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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