She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
