Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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